WEDDING PARTY

WEDDING PARTY 

The wedding industry has a lot to say about wedding parties—both what they are and also what they are not. Best advice?

Your wedding party, in whatever form it takes, is simply the group of people that you want to honor during a big moment in your life. They are the people whom you want supporting you in this high-joy, high-stress, high-emotion moment. They may include a lifelong best friend or a family member whom you’re not that close to but really want to honor. Regardless, they’re your people, and you’re choosing them because you love them.
Here are some general guidelines for thinking about, and picking, your wedding party.

›They can be mixed-gender groups. Men don’t have to only stand up with men; women don’t have to only stand up with women.

›They can be various ages. You want to have your granny as your flower girl? Your tween sister as your maid of honor? Your dad as your groomsman? Do it.

›Nobody has to wear matching clothes. Or shoes. Or earrings. Of course they can if you want, but they don’t have to.

›The same numbers of people don’t need to stand up for both members of the couple. If your partner has one lifelong best friend, and you have six best girlfriends and sisters, that’s perfectly okay. People are more likely to notice that there are five semi-strangers standing up with you than if you have uneven numbers.

›Any number of people is okay. Although my general guideline is that (pending a teeny-tiny semi-elopement) you generally want more guests than wedding party members, there really are no hard-and-fast rules. You do you.

›You can honor people who are not in your wedding party. They can do readings at the ceremony, or witness the marriage license, or act as ushers.

›Your wedding party may help you put this wedding together (and throw you a shower and a few extra parties). And they may not. It’s okay. People’s personalities don’t profoundly change during wedding planning, and your flaky sister is likely going to stay as unreliable as ever. Although you may want to plan for that, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t include her.

›No matter what the planning books tell you, wedding parties do not have to add to your expenses. Your best people are in this for love, not gifts or parties. If you want to give a gift, a frame (with a promise of a photo of the two of you together on the wedding day) will more than suffice . . . as will a heartfelt note of thanks.

›Your wedding party can be unofficial. You can call them your non-bridesmaids, or your bridal brigade, or just your team. They don’t have to stand up during the ceremony, or wear special outfits, or hold flowers. You can create your support system in whatever way works for you.

›Asking people to be in your wedding party is an honor. Un-asking them is hardly ever worth it, unless you’re looking to end a friendship. So ask wisely.

›You don’t have to have a wedding party. This commitment is about the two of you.

›And remember, you picked them because you love them. Demonstrate that with your actions.